Be My Own Muse

When I started adopting this mentality it shifted my perspective. Honestly, isn’t changing your perspective everything?

I have found again and again in my life that I am most often times the root of my own problems. When I shift how I am viewing my life everything can change. Just like the burned toast theory. Look it up. Essentially when you’re running late to work it was the Universe or God (or whomever you attribute good outcomes to) looking out for you and you avoided a car collision or other negative eventuality. Instead of falling frustrated, it’s a moment to pause and be grateful. Am I saying this right?

That’s how I’ve approached dating honestly. I never really online dated before now. I got divorced in 2019. I did meet one man off of Tinder for drinks. There was zero spark in real life. Not a bad conversationalist though and it was time enjoyed regardless. Fast forward to becoming pregnant and being a solo parent now with a 4 year old. Add to it that I’m in my thirties and dating is interesting, to say the least. I’m at the weird age, 35, where I could date the man or his father depending on what I’m interested in. 

I took over two years off the dating scene. I wanted the space to evaluate what had gotten me to this place in life as well as redirect who I was and what I had to offer a partner. I needed to fall back in love with my own habits and patterns to determine how I wanted to be loved. Once treading back into dating I made a dating profile, overwhelmed, deleted. Inundated with sexual innuendos and uncomfortable requests in exceeding amounts. Back I foraged into online dating, hopping around from app to app to determine where I may indeed find someone of quality. A couple of dates that actually encouraged me, maybe there is indeed someone out there looking for what I am looking for.

Instead of becoming soured on dating due to incompatibility, for that is what it was, I was re-invigorated at the idea that if I persisted I would eventually find someone who matched up with me. For that is all we desire, is it not? Mutual affections and compatible life goals. It can’t be impossible to find. It could be fun. So I do it for the humor, and until I do not find it humorous, I will continue.

I tend to be too open in some facets and more reserved in others. 

I can only hope I’m doing it right, and if they are right for me it will be. If it does not work out then I have learned something new.

If attraction, by definition, is a force that draws two objects together, I vibrate higher to adjust my force level.

It is easy to be overwhelmed by a day, a moment, an emotion, but if I zoom out of the lens and look at the larger frame, perspective adjusted, my outlook changes. So, remember the law of detachment, practice being present. For these are all passing moments, and all we have is what we can grasp currently. I have survived and thrived. I have grown and learned and changed.

Look in the mirror today and tell yourself, “I’m proud of you.”

-A.